Mare Sheehan

— How's your morning going so far?
— Great. I just... wasted the last half hour picking out an aquarium for the turtle you and Drew brought home yesterday.
— He seems excited about it. I think it'll be good for him, you know? Give him something to look after.
— That's what you said about the lizard. Two weeks later, I was flushing it down the toilet.

— How's she holding up?
— Well, her mom's got Parkinson's, and her brother's smashing her kids' piggy banks to buy Dilaudid. I think she's wondering where the hell God is in her life.