Dr. Watson

— John! What the hell...?
— Bet you never saw this coming.

He's writing sad music. Doesn't eat, barely talks, only to correct the television. I'd say he was heart-broken, but, well, he's Sherlock. He does all that anyway.

— I need a case.
— You've just solved one, by harpooning a dead pig, apparently!
— Oh, that was this morning.

— OK, the smoking, how did you know?
— The evidence was right under your nose, John, as ever you see, but do not observe.
— Observe what?
— The ashtray.

— In fact, four top international assassins relocate to within spitting distance of 221B. Anything you'd care to share with me?
— I'm moving?

— You know him better than I do.
— I've known him for five years and, no, I don't.
— So why do you put up with him?
— Because I'm desperate, that's why.

— Where am I?
— Arse-end of the universe with the scum of the earth.

— Doctor Watson, why did he do that to me? That was insane!
— Er... yes, well, someone convinced him that you wouldn't tell the truth unless you were actually wetting yourself.
— Someone?
— Probably me.

— I'm angry.
— It's OK, John. There's nothing unusual in that. That's the way he made everyone feel. All the marks on my table and the noise, firing guns at half past one in the morning...
— Yeah.
— Bloody specimens in my fridge. Imagine, keeping bodies where there's food.
— Yes.
— And the fighting! Drove me up the wall with all his carryings-on!
— Listen, I'm not actually that angry, OK?

— Have you got given Mycroft the memory stick yet?
— Yep. He was over the moon. Threatened me with a knighthood... again.

— Those were your parents?
— Yes.
— Well... that is not what I..
— What?
— I mean, they're just so... ordinary.
— It's a cross I have to bear.

— We'll get caught.
— We won't! Well, not yet.
— Caught in five minutes.
" — Hi, we thought we'd have a wander around your top secret weapon base.
— Really? Great. Come in, kettle's boiled. "
That's if we don't get shot.

The problems of your past are your business. The problems of your future are my privilege. It's all I have to say, it's all I need to know.

— I'm definetly going to kill you!
— Oh, please, killing me, that's so two years ago.