Adam Lerner

— The relationship that I have with Rachael is about more than sex.
— What is it about, Adam?
— It's about each other. You know, we care about each other, we talk to each other. It's great.
— Wouldn't it be nice if you could do that, and then bang the hell out of each other — afterwards?
— Ideally, yes. But it's not a perfect world, okay?

— I mean, okay, my mom... I don't know. She's a crazy person. She just worries all day every day. And honestly it annoys the shit out of me. It's way too much. And it's not helpful and I can't talk to her. I don't call her back.
— It's a problem. So she's got this husband that can't talk to her and this son that won't?
— Yeah, I guess.
— Makes you kind of a dick.

50/50

Adam Lerner

— If I was your girlfriend, you know what I would be doing? I'd be sucking your cock every thirty minutes. I'd be baking you fucking cookies all day and shit.
— What kind of cookies?
— Any kind.
— You'd make me snickerdoodle cookies?
— I'd bathe you in snickerdoodle cookies.

— Sorry. Are you gonna, like, keep touching me like that?
— This?
— Yeah.
— I'm, uh... I'm trying to make you feel more at ease.
— That's gonna make me feel more at ease? It's like being slapped by a sea otter.
— Touching promotes trust. It's one of the key ways that hospital practitioners make their patients feel more secure in stressful situations.
— Yeah, but it's just... That's not gonna help.
— Really? A sea otter? Is this... Is that kind of better?
— Okay, this is getting creepy.
— I'm sorry.