Severe stress makes women age prematurely because stress causes the DNA in our cells to shrink until they can no longer replicate. So when we're stressed, we look haggard. This is just women, not men. I'm sorry. And remember they used to say that single women over 35 were more likely to be killed by a terrorist than to get married. Okay, that was horrible. But now our generation is also not getting married. And bonus, real terrorists actually became part of our lives. So the stress of it all shows up on our faces, making us look haggard.

— Stupid fucking book! I just can't believe Nikki's teaching that book to the kids. I mean the whole time. Let me just break it down for you the whole time you're rooting for this Hemingway guy to survive the war and to be with the woman that he loves, Catherine barkley...
— It's four o'clock in the morning, pat.
— And he does. He does. He survives the war, after getting blown up he survives it, and he escapes to Switzerland with Catherine. But now Catherine's pregnant. Isn't that wonderful? She's pregnant. And they escape up into the mountains and they're gonna be happy, and they're gonna be drinking wine and they dance... They both like to dance with each other, there's scenes of them dancing, which was boring, but I liked it, because they were happy. You think he ends it there? No! He writes another ending. She dies, dad! I mean, the world's hard enough as it is, guys. It's fucking hard enough as it is. Can't somebody say, “hey, let's be positive? Let's have a good ending to the story?”.
— Pat, you owe us an apology.
— Mom, for what, I can't apologize. I'm not gonna apologize for this. You know what I will do? I will apologize on behalf of Ernest Hemingway, because that's who's to blame here.
— Yeah, have Ernest Hemingway call us and apologize to us, too.