Quality Of Service Quotes

— Excuse me. But I used to work in a bar, so I know what it's like to wait on people. And I want to tell you that the service here needs immediate improvement.
— What do you mean?
— What do I mean? Our waiter, where is he? Don't tell me he's still in the bathroom. He never came back to see if we wanted anything else. He never brought us our check. We wanted our check so we could get the hell out of here. Here. This should be sufficient. And don't be expecting a tip.
— If you don't treat me good, I won't ask you out.
— And your beer tastes like piss.
— We know! Because we piss in it! That's not all. Bad beer, bad service. Don't they know not to come in?