Two and a Half Men Quotes

— You know what, it doesn't matter if I look cool, we judge a person by what's inside them, not by what they wear.
— Lucky for you.

Your big mistake was dealing with them as a group. The trick with women is to split them off from the herd, one by one. Otherwise, they spook and you risk a stampede. Kind of like buffalo!

Copy quote

— I have to bring the garbage cans back in.
— Today wasn't garbage day.
— No, not here. At Judith's.
— At Judith's? Alan, your wife throw you out.
— Yeah, that doesn't mean she doesn't need me.
— Yeah, it kind of does.
— Look, we're still married, it's still my house, and she still counts on me to do a few chores. It's good. It leaves the door open for, you know, reconciliation.
— I see. So, how do you lift those garbage cans without a spine?

Judith is Alan's ex-wife

— Do you really want me to tell 10-year-old boy that somebody he cares about was pretending to like him? What kind of lesson is that?
— He lives in LA. He might as well learn now.

— I think she's really great.
— Me, too. When she's coming back?
— Let's see. Today's Sunday, so... Never.

— But what about like creativity? See, I write music for a living. Will I still be able to do that?
— Do you write with your testicles?

— Alan, you've been making the same mistake your whole life. Being the good boy, fixing everything so everybody would love you. It didn't work with Mom. It didn't work with either of the women you went out with. And it's not gonna work with your wife.
— Charlie, you know nothing about commitment and responsibility to a relationship.
— Granted. But I do know when a woman's using me. And by that I mean not in a fun way.

Two and a Half Men [Season 1]

Add quote

Where is the quote from?