— You don't visit, Damon. You appear, unannounced, reminding me that this isn't my house... that you're just permitting me to live here. Hell, that you're permitting me to live.
— Someone had to mow the lawn.

Oh, don't get blood on the couch. Please.

You want me... You find yourself drawn to me. You think about me even when you don't wanna think about me. I bet you've dreamed about me. And right now, you wanna kiss me.

— What are you doing here?
— I'm hiding from Caroline.
— And why is that?
— I needed a break. She talks more than I can listen.

— He hates me.
— That's not hate. That's, "You dumped me, but I'm too cool to show it..."

A first-person account of the Civil War, that's like, uh, porn for a history teacher.

You don't wanna go back right now, do you? What's the rush? Time out. Trust me, your problems are still gonna be there when you get home.

Why didn't he go for me? How come the guys that I want never want me? I'm inappropriate. I always say the wrong thing. And Elena always says the right thing. She doesn't even try. And he just picks her. And she's always the one that everyone picks...for everything. And I try so hard and I'm never the one that...

— Well, think hard, it's important.
— Nothing is important. Not anymore.

All you can do is be ready for the good... So when it comes, you invite it in because you need it. I need it.

— I was impressed. I give it a six. You missed on style, but I was pleasantly surprised. Very good with the whole face... thing. It was good.
— Yeah, it's all fun and games, Damon, huh? But wherever you go, people die.
— That's a given.
— Not here. I won't allow it.
— I take that as invitation.

I'm shallow. I am worse than shallow. I'm a kiddie pool.

I'm trapped at the house. And I'm getting really bored and really impatient. And I don't do bored and impatient.

— I'm sorry about what the other vampires did to Stefan. Abducting, torturing him... It wasn't supposed to go like that.
— You were playing house with half of a tomb of really pissed-off vampires. What did you think was gonna happen?

What you don't know can hurt you.

I see the hiding places haven't gotten any more creative.