Sherlock [Season 3, Episode 3]

— That was the doorbell. Couldn't you hear it?
— It's in the fridge. It kept ringing.
— Oh, that's not a fault, Sherlock!

— Merry Christmas!
— You hate Christmas.
— Yes. Perhaps there was something in the punch.
— Clearly. Go and have some more.

— What sort of case?
— Too big and dangerous for any sane individual to get involved in.
— Yo trying to put me off?
— God, no. Trying to recruit you.

— Hello, little brother. How's the exile going?
— I've only been gone four minutes.
— Well, I've certainly hope you've learnt your lesson.

— Sherlock, please tell me you haven't just gone out of your mind.
— I'd rather keep you quessing.

— Where am I?
— Arse-end of the universe with the scum of the earth.

The problems of your past are your business. The problems of your future are my privilege. It's all I have to say, it's all I need to know.

— You... You never felt pain, didn't you? Why did you never feel pain?
— You always feel it, Sherlock. But you don't have to fear it! Pain...heartbreak...loss...death...it's all good. It's all good.<...>
It's raining, it's pouring, Sherlock is boring. I'm laughing, I'm crying, Sherlock is dying. Come on, Sherlock. Just die, why can't you? One little push and off you pop. You're going to love being dead. No one ever bothers you.

— You will look after him for me, won't you?
— Don't worry. I'll keep him in trouble.
— That's my girl.

— What is that?
— It's a tyre level.
— Why?
— Cos there were loads a smackheads in there and one of them might need help with a tyre.

— No, you can't come, you're pregnant.
— You can't go, I'm pregnant!

— John, there's something I should say, I've meant to say always and I never have. Since it's unlikely we'll ever meet again, I might as well say it now. Sherlock is actually a girl's name.
— It's not.
— It was worth a try.

— I'll see you tonight.
— What's tonight?
— I'll text instructions.
— Yeah, I'll text you if I'm available.
— You are, I checked.

Knowing is owning.

— You have a girlfriend?
— Yes, yes, I'm going out with Janine. I thought that was fairly obvious.
— Yes. Well, yes. You..you... you are in a relationships?
— Yes, I am.
— You and Janine?
— Yes, me and Janine.
— Care to elaborate?
— Well, we're in a good place. It's...very affirming.
— You got that from a book.
— Everyone got that from a book.