Scrubs [Season 7, Episode 7]

You know when people ask for advice they're really just looking for someone to backup the decision they already made.

— I trusted you.
— That wasn't very smart, was it?

Not telling Jordan that I've been reading her journal is one of the best decisions I've ever made. Now I know of all her hopes and dreams, which, of course, make them easier to crush.

— Women are like crows. They like shiny things. Classy stuff they can wear in their ears, around their necks, through their nipples.
— Crows have nipples?

One tiny mistake can't ruin something that good.

Marriage is a lifelong battle, except we men have been given no weapons.

All right, who ever stole my muffin is going to have to get this green fuzz out of my teeth.