Did we just slip into some alternate dimension where I give a flying duckie about what you say and do?

I was just thinking about you. How it might be nice to have somebody around here who could help me out. Somebody I could call, gosh, my resident, and we'd do stuff together, medical stuff. It would just be peaches. But then it occurred to me a guy who looked a hell of lot like you used to be that guy. Monica, just because you have a new buddy doesn't mean you can suddenly drop your regular duties and I know I just said «drop your duties». And so help me God, if you even smile I will crush you into two little Newbie cubes and hang you from my rearview mirror. What you gotta say for yourself?

— Dr Kelso, I have a low anterior resection this afternoon and I'd really like to exercise in order to be at my best.
— Well, I'd really like grandkids someday, but the last five Christmases, my son has brought his roommate Brad home, so you tell me whether life is fair.