Vampires Suck

In the '80s, coke was all the rage. The '90s, grunge. Now it's the era of vampires. It's just super-trendy. That's amazing.

Why don't you take the empty seat next to that mysterious boy you're destined to have a fatalistic relationship with that will spawn four books and a movie franchise?

Becca Crane: — I couldn't stop thinking about Edward Sullen. No mortal could have had the strength to do that. Or possess such amazing dexterity. He can't be human.
Gossip Girl: — Meanwhile, uptown, Blair was getting cozy with Nate, who was secretly crushing on Serena.
Becca Crane: — Excuse me, but you're interrupting my narration.
Gossip Girl: — Oh, shit! Wrong show! X-O-X-O, Gossip Girl.

— You know who we are, don't you?
— Yes. You're the Black Eyed Peas!
— Come on. Not again. Why does everyone always think we're the Black Eyed Peas?
— I mean, her, I get.
— I get it. She looks just like Fergie. And he looks like Will.i.am, but, Jesus Christ, they don't even have a white guy in their band!

Oh! Those are the Sullens. <...> They moved here a few years ago, and they're, like, super-weird. It's a total mystery. Their skin is ice-cold, they feed on human flesh, and they all sleep in coffins. Maybe they're Canadian.