Miss Congeniality

— There's a gap between your knees and your calves, your calves and your ankles.
— You know, right now there's a huge gap between my brain and my spinal cord, all right? Here. Take these.
— What, no armored car?
— That would be in my other dress.

And... I really do want world peace.

Because I am the best. Or perhaps it's because everyone else worth having had a contestant. They had their Southern belles, their Midwestern farmers' daughters. Spunky Western cowgirls... And I have... Dirty Harriet.

— This earpiece lets you hear anybody on our frequencies. They can hear you.
— Don't need that. With all this foil in my head, I'm gettin' HBO.
— This is a pin camera. There's an actual little lens in there. It provides a digital video feed to our hookups. All right. Here's your new IDs. Your pageant identity.
— Gracie Lou Freebush?
— Yeah, I remembered you liked that name.
— Yeah, well, my IQ just dropped 10 points.

Whoa! I'm fine. I'm cool. I'm good.

Eric Matthews: — Where do we start?
Victor Melling: — Teeth, hair, manicure, pedicure.
Gracie Hart: — Which one first? Hey, guys, what teeth are you gonna do to my teeth?
Victor Melling: — Hopefully, remove the beer stains and steak residue.
Gracie Hart: — Can't I get some Novocain? What are you doing?
Victor Melling: — Your hair should make a statement.
Gracie Hart: — As long as it doesn't say "Thank you very much for the Country Music Award".
Attention. Attention. All hair removal units, wax, electrolysis, laser, to commence at 23:00 hours.
Gracie Hart: — Ow!
Victor Melling: — Bikini wax.