Now, I'm standing in the kitchen carving up the chicken for dinner, minding my own business. In storms my husband, Wilbur, in a jealous rage. "You been screwin' the milkman," he says. He was crazy, and he kept on screamin', "You been screwin' the milkman!" And then he ran into my knife. He ran into my knife 10 times. June (killer) murder
Anyway, I started fooling around. Then I started screwing around, which is fooling around without dinner. Roxie Hart cheating, treason
You know how people have these little habits that get you down? Like Bernie. Bernie liked to chew gum. No, not chew. Pop. So I came home this one day, and I'm really irritated... and I'm looking for a little bit of sympathy. There's Bernie lyin' on the couch... drinkin' a beer and chewin'. No, not chewin'. Poppin'! So I said to him, "You pop that gum one more time..." And he did. So I took the shotgun off the wall... and I fired two warning shots into his head. Liz (killer) murder Sarcastic Quotes
I met Ezekial Young from Salt Lake City about two years ago, and he told me he was single, and we hit it off right away. So we started living together. He'd go to work. He'd come home. I'd fix him a drink. We'd have dinner. And then I found out. Single, he told me? Single, my ass. Not only was he married... Oh, no... He had six wives. One of those Mormons. So that night when he came home from work... I fixed him his drink, as usual. You know, some guys just can't hold their arsenic. Annie (killer) murder
First, the slob steals my publicity. Then she steals my lawyer, my trial date. Now my goddamn garter! Velma Kelly
Let's make the parties longer, the skirts shorter. Let's all go to hell in a fast car and keep it hot! fun
I loved AI Lipschitz more than I could possibly say. He was a real artistic guy. Sensitive. A painter. But he was always trying to find himself. He'd go out every night looking for himself, and on the way... he found Ruth, Gladys, Rosemary, and Irving. You could say we broke up because of artistic differences. He saw himself as alive... and I saw him dead. Mona (killer) murder
— Have you read the morning papers? They love me! — Wise up! They'd love you a lot more if you were hanged. You know why? 'Cause they'd sell more papers. Roxie Hart Billy Flynn mass media
— Left hand on the Bible, raise your right hand. You swear to tell the truth, so help you God? — And then some. bailiff Velma Kelly truth oath Ironic Quotes
People write some pretty interesting things when they think no one's looking. Matron «Mama» Morton secrets diary Sarcastic Quotes
Pipe down on the swearing. From here on, you say nothing rougher than "Oh, dear." Billy Flynn swearing
Besides, in 47 years, Cook County ain't never hung a woman yet. So the odds are 47 to one that they won't hang you. Matron «Mama» Morton
— Since I can remember, I have wanted to be on the stage. — What's your talent? Washing and drying? Roxie Hart Velma Kelly Sarcastic Quotes