Big Stan

Don't look at what you're doing. Just feel. Feel.

Shorts: — Hey, get back. Hey! And whatever you do, don't go near those guys.
Scientologists: — The goal is to express ourselves...
Shorts: — They're Scientologists.
Stan: — They don't look so tough.
Shorts: — Yeah. They'll talk your ear off and then sue your ass.

— Do you got a problem?
— No. No, I... I was just wondering... you've been to prison, right?
— You do have a problem.
— No, I... I'm going to prison. But I've never been there before and I was just thinking maybe you could give me some pointers. I'll pay you 100 bucks.
— Just for talking? How much time did you get?
— Three to five. Verlaine.
— Verlaine? That's fucked, Stan. Guards just don't give a damn. They let the cons beat the shit out of one another all day.
— How am I gonna do in there? I mean, if you saw me, would you beat the shit out of me?
— I'd probably rape ya.
— You'd rape me? So it's true, huh? A lot of guys turn gay in prison?
— I'm always gay. I only rape people in prison.
— You're gay?
— Yeah. This is a gay bar. Look, rape isn't an act of sex. Rape is an act of violence. And in prison society, it's all about violence. You're judged by how bad other cons fear you. Raping a dude is the ultimate way of beating him down. It means you're one bad motherfucker.
— So you rape people?
— Well, now that's something I'm not real proud of. I don't condone the practise, to be honest. But I do it some. Just to keep up with the Joneses. You know what I mean. Little dude like you, be an easy mark.
— Oh, Jesus! Isn't there anything I could do?
— You could join a gang. Are you a racist?
— Not really.
— That leaves out the Nazis. Got any Mob connections? Wouldn't happen to be Latino?
— No.
— Uh-uh. Looks like everybody's gonna rape you.
— OK. OK, I... I bet I can be a racist for three to five years. A real racist. Hardcore.
— Well, good. Then you can join the Nazis. Excellent. You'll only be raped by other Nazis.
— Raped by Nazis? No way! Anything else I can do? Isn't there some way I can cultivate some outlaw image?
— You have to kill a dude.
— Without killing a dude?
— In your case, it'd be a real long shot, Stan. Wouldn't happen to have any tats?
— Tats? Yes. Yeah. Yeah. I didn't grow up with my mom. So I... When I was 18, I got a tattoo. "Mommy".
— You might as well buy a welcome mat, strap it to your asshole.