Winston Schmidt

I'm like a sexual snowflake. Each night with me is a unique experience.

I don’t celebrate Christmas, okay? Or as I like to call it, White Anglo Saxon Winter Privilege Night.

— I’ll take you through the whole thing. I’ll be like your guide.
-: Like Gandalf through the Middle-Earth?
— OK, first of all, let’s take the Lord of the Rings references and put them in a deep, dark cave where no one will even find them.
— Except Smeagol. He lives in a cave.

Old people freak me out. With their hands and their legs. They’re like the people version of pleated pants.

— I’ll convert to Indianism!
Cece: *shakes head*
— Hindi. Hindi…ism? Indian-Indiani-Indi…Indi-Buddhism?