Sherlock Holmes

— Because you're an idiot. No, no, don't look like that. Practically everyone is.

— When did we agree that?
— We agreed it yesterday.
— I wasn't even at home yesterday. I was in Dublin!
— It's hardly my fault you weren't listening.

People don't like telling you things. They love to contradict you.

— That... was amazing.
— Do you think so?
— Of course it was. It was extraordinary, quite extraordinary.
— That's not what people normally say.
— What do people norrnally say?
— Piss off!

— It' primary school stuff. How can you not know that?
— Well, if I ever did, I've deleted it.
— Deleted it?
— Listen. [pointing to the head] This is my hard drive, and it only makes sense to put things in there that are useful. Really useful. Ordinary people fill their heads with all kinds of rubbish. That makes it hard to get at the stuff that matters.

— Shut up, everybody! Don't move, don't speak, don't breathe. I'm trying to think. Anderson, face the other way. You're putting me off.
— What? My face is...?
— Everybody quiet and still. Anderson, turn your back.

— People'll think...
— I don't care what people think.
— You'd care if they thought you were stupid or wrong.
— No, that would just make them stupid or wrong.

— Mrs. Hudson, the landlady, she’s given me a special deal. Owes me a favor. A few years back her husband got himself sentenced to death in Florida. I was able to help out.
— Sorry, you stopped her husband being executed?
— Oh, no, I ensured it.

Sometimes a deception is so audacious, so outrageous that you can't see it even when it's staring you in the face.

— Is that the British Army Browning L9A1 in your pocket, or are you just pleased to see me?
— Both.

— I'm glad no one saw that. You ripping my clothes off in a darkened swimming pool. People might talk.
— They do little else.

— Are these human eyes?
— Put those back!
— They were in the microwave!
— It's an experiment.

— Mr Holmes, if it was the end of the world, if this was the very last night... would you have dinner with me?
— Sherlock!
— Too late.
— That's not the end of the world, that's Mrs Hudson.

— You don't actually think I was interested in you? Why? Because you're the great Sherlock Holmes, the clever detective in the funny hat?
— No. Because I took your pulse.

— That's fantastic!
— Do you know you do it out loud?
— Sorry, I'll shut up.
— No, it's...fine..