Kevin Keller

– Why are they doing this?
– They're agents of chaos, Kevin. They don't need a reason.

– What the hell is a "sticky maple"?
– It's kind of what it sounds like. It's a Riverdale thing.
– No, Kevin, it's a slut-shaming thing. And I'm neither a slut, nor am I going to be shamed by someone named, excuse me, Chuck Clayton. Does he really think he can get away with this? Does he not know who I am? I will cut the brakes on his souped-up phallic symbol.
– Or we can go to Principal Weatherbee.
– About the coach's son? Who is captain of the football team, and Riverdale High's resident golden boy?
– Or I can expose him in the pages of the "Blue and Gold". Yeah, I can do that!
– No. Spoken like a true good girl who always follows the rules. Well, I don't follow rules! I make them! And when necessary, I break them! You wanna help me get revenge on Chuck, Betty, awesome. But you better be willing to go full dark, no stars. What do you say, in or out?

– Last year at Spence, my best friend Katy and I kind of terrorized this girl Paige. One time, we made her drink gutter water.
– Why?
– Because she was there. Because she was a misfit and we were class-a brutal bitches. Anyway, by December, Paige couldn't take it anymore...
– Oh, my God! Did you drive her to suicide?!
– What? No, But she did transfer schools and went into therapy.
– So now?
– If I can make Ethel Muggs' life a little better, even for one afternoon... I'm going to do it.

– Did your mom cut you off?
– She did.
– And that's a good thing?
– Oh, Reggie. This is how we Lodge women roll. We feint, we parry, we approach, we retreat. We're like a cobra and a mongoose dancing. She blinked, which means, I suspect, that Hermione Lodge is ready to negotiate.