Jerry «Daphne»

— We can't get married at all.
— Why not?
— Well, in the first place, I'm not a natural blonde.
— Doesn't matter.
— I smoke. I smoke all the time.
— I don't care.
— Well, I have a terrible past. For three years now, I've been living with a saxophone player.
— I forgive you.
— I can never have children.
— We can adopt some.
— But you don't understand, Osgood. Uh, I'm a man.
— Well, nobody's perfect.

— How do they keep their balance in these things?
— Must be the way the weight is distributed.

They're gonna line us up against the wall and... The cops will find two dead dames and take us to the morgue and when they undress us, I'll die of shame.

— Didn't you girls say you went to a conservatory?
— Oh, yes. For a whole year.
— I thought you said three years.
— We got time off for good behaviour.

— We gotta get out of town. We could grow beards.
— We will get out of town, but we're gonna shave.
— At a time like this? They wanna blast our heads off, and you wanna shave.
— Shave our legs, stupid.

— I'm Osgood Fielding the Third.
— I'm Cinderella the Second.

— And why would a guy wanna marry a guy?
— Security.

— I'm engaged.
— Congratulations. Who's the lucky girl?
— I am.
— What?!
— Osgood proposed to me. We're planning a June wedding.
— What are you talking about? You can't marry Osgood.
— Do you think he's too old for me?

— You will come and hear us play?
— If it's at all possible.
— Do come. It'll be such fun. And bring your yacht.

There's a convention, all right. There's also the ladies' morgue.

Will you look at that! Look how she moves! It's like Jell-O on springs. Must have some sort of built-in motor or something. I tell you, it's a whole different sex!

— It is so draughty. They must catch cold all the time.
— Quit stalling. We'll miss the train.
— I feel naked. I feel like everybody's starin' at me.
— With those legs? Are you crazy?

— Can't make an omelette without breakin' an egg.
— What's with the omelette?
— Nag, nag, nag. We got a yacht, a bracelet, you've got Osgood, I've got Sugar. We'll be cookin'.
— Joe!
— What?
— Something tells me the omelette is about to hit the fan...

— They don't care. You're wearing a skirt. It's like waving a red flag to a bull.
— I'm sick of being the flag. l wanna be a bull again.

— There are two things I will not put up with during working hours: liquor and men.
— Men?
— Don't worry about that.
— We wouldn't be caught dead with men! Rough, hairy beasts with eight hands! And they all just want one thing from a girl!
— I beg your pardon, miss!

— What do you want from me? My head on a plate?
— No, your bass. If we hock that and my sax...
— Are you crazy? We're up the creek and you wanna hock the paddle.