Jack Slater

— Bring the car around.
— Can't. The helicopter landed on it.
— I hate when that happens.

— Sorry. I thought I was going to die.
— I'm sorry to disappoint you, but you're going to live to enjoy all the glorious fruits life has to offer, acne, shaving, premature ejaculation and your first divorce.

— I snap my fingers again, and some time tomorrow you emerge from several canine recta. Or you and Toto can go back to the land of Oz. Questions?
— Yeah. Two of them. Why am I wasting time on a dime store putz like you when I could be doing something much more dangerous? Like rearranging my sock drawers. And two, how exactly are you going to snap your fingers after I rip off both of your thumbs?

— You think you're funny, don't you?
— I know I am. I'm the famous comedian, Arnold Braunschweiger.
— Schwarzenegger.
— Gesundheit.

— Wait. Where are you going?
— I'll be back. You didn't know I was going to say that, did you?
— That's what you always say. Everybody keeps waiting for you to work it in. It's kind of like your calling card.

— You know, there's lots worse things than movies. There's politicians and wars and forest fires, and famine and plague... sickness, pain, warts, politicians...
— You already mentioned them.
— I know I did. They're twice as bad as anything else.

— Could I speak to the drug dealer of the house please?
— I beg your pardon?
— It's a beautiful day and we're out killing drug dealers. Are there any in the house?

— Look, the point is there are no unattractive women here. I mean, where are the ordinary, every-day women? They don't exist, because this is a movie.
— No. This is California.