Bruce "Robbo" Robertson

I'm scared of the world. I just don't let people see it, that's all. And that's what the games are. I kid you not, my sweet, sweet friend. You're my best friend. My only friend.

Same rules apply.

— What made you join the force, Bruce?
— Police oppression, brother. I'd witnessed far too many cases of it in the mining community I grew up in.
— And you wanted to stamp it out from the inside?
— No, I wanted to be a part of it.

Right. Bladesey. Uh, first things first. You've really got to get rid of the double glazing, pal. Get yourself contact lenses or something, laser eye treatment cos nobody's ever gonna take you seriously staring through those thick milk bottles. Second thing is, you've really got to try and toughen up. Right, you're a nice guy. But you're very soft. Truth is, people are just as scared
of the world as you are. I'm scared of the world. I just don't let people see it, that's all. And that's what the games are. I kid you not, my sweet, sweet friend. You're my best friend. My only friend. Most important thing is this, though. You've got to make Bunty want you again. You'll probably find that she does actually like you if you just asserted yourself a wee bit more. You know, you show her passion and she will run to you. She will love you until the day you die. I may not be the one to be giving marriage counselling, but sometimes it takes a wrongdoer
to show you when you're doing wrong. I'm sorry, Bladesey. Really sorry, pal. Bunty!

Scotland. This nation brought the world television, the steam engine, golf, whisky, penicillin and, of course, the deep fried Mars bar. It is great being Scottish. We're such a uniquely successful race. And as my wife Carole always says, "There's no place like home."