Allison Reed

— For the love of everything good and holy, get this goddamn thing out of me!
— You're gonna be okay. Cut him open. Let's get this thing.
— Cut me open? There goes your Christmas gift, Judas!
— It's moving down his leg.
— What do we do?
— Maybe amputate.
— Whoa, don't take the leg! Don't let 'em take my leg.
— Is there anything else you can do? He thinks he's an athlete.
— Doctor, look.
— It's heading for his testicles.
— Take it! Take the leg!
— Wait, wait! It's going the otherway.
— Give me some forceps. I might be able to catch it in his colon.
— How're you going in?
— Rectally.
— I'll get the lubricant.
— No time for lubricant.
— There's always time for lubricant!
— Flip him!
— Try to relax.
— Everything's gonna be okay.
— I'll shove this gurney up your ass! See if you relax, Ira.
<...>
— It's over, it's over.
— Don'tyou ever do that again!
— The size ofthat thing insideyou! It was like this! You took it like a man.

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- For the love of everything good and holy, get this goddamn thing out of me!
- You're gonna be okay. Cut him open. Let's get this thing.
- Cut me open? There goes your Christmas gift, Judas!
- It's moving down his leg.
- What do we do?
- Maybe amputate.
- Whoa, don't take the leg! Don't let 'em take my leg.
- Is there anything else you can do? He thinks he's an athlete.
- Doctor, look.
- It's heading for his testicles.
- Take it! Take the leg!
- Wait, wait! It's going the otherway.
- Give me some forceps. I might be able to catch it in his colon.
- How're you going in?
- Rectally.
- I'll get the lubricant.
- No time for lubricant.
- There's always time for lubricant!
- Flip him!
- Try to relax.
- Everything's gonna be okay.
- I'll shove this gurney up your ass! See if you relax, Ira.
<...>
- It's over, it's over.
- Don'tyou ever do that again!
- The size ofthat thing insideyou! It was like this! You took it like a man.

— Can I get you anything?
— Ice cream. I'd like an ice cream, please.
— What favor?
— It doesn't matter. It's for my ass.

Survival of the fittest. Often the simplest organism is the strongest.

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Evolution

Science

— What areyou doing?
— Selenium. That could be the answer. I'm looking at the Periodic Table on your T-shirt and I see this pattern. Take offyour shirt. I'll show you.
— Yes!
— No, I don't think so.
— We are a carbon based life-form. We move down here, and you've found our poison: arsenic. But the aliens are nitrogen based, right? You make the same move down and over... and where do you find yourself?
— Selenium.
— Selenium. Could be as lethal to them as arsenic is to us.
— And with their metabolic rates, it'll kill them fast.
— Selenium. How much do we need?
— Five hundred gallons could do it, should do it.
— Five hundred gallons? Um, I hate to be a buzzkill, but where are we gonna get that at 2:00 a.m.?
— No problem.
— Yeah, we can get that. Head & Shoulders.
— The dandruff shampoo?
— Yeah, that's the stuff. The active ingredient is selenium sulfide.
— How do you know that? You don't know anything.
— Haven't you noticed how shiny and fake-free our hair is?
— Okay, this is the best idea we got. Let's give it a shot. Come on. Let's do it!
— Yeah! We'll get the troops together. We're getting shampoo!
— I've got the vehicle.
— Good! Donalds, you just got your A's.

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- What areyou doing?
- Selenium. That could be the answer. I'm looking at the Periodic Table on your T-shirt and I see this pattern. Take offyour shirt. I'll show you.
- Yes!
- No, I don't think so.
- We are a carbon based life-form. We move down here, and you've found our poison: arsenic. But the aliens are nitrogen based, right? You make the same move down and over... and where do you find yourself?
- Selenium.
- Selenium. Could be as lethal to them as arsenic is to us.
- And with their metabolic rates, it'll kill them fast.
- Selenium. How much do we need?
- Five hundred gallons could do it, should do it.
- Five hundred gallons? Um, I hate to be a buzzkill, but where are we gonna get that at 2:00 a.m.?
- No problem.
- Yeah, we can get that. Head & Shoulders.
- The dandruff shampoo?
- Yeah, that's the stuff. The active ingredient is selenium sulfide.
- How do you know that? You don't know anything.
- Haven't you noticed how shiny and fake-free our hair is?
- Okay, this is the best idea we got. Let's give it a shot. Come on. Let's do it!
- Yeah! We'll get the troops together. We're getting shampoo!
- I've got the vehicle.
- Good! Donalds, you just got your A's.

— There's something I feel I should tell you, but I don't know exactly how.
— Just say it. We're adults and we're all about to die a very horrible death. So?
— I would've rocked yourworld.
— You already have.