Sarcasm works better when it's shorter.

I don't know if they taught you this in the land of puppy-dog tails where you obviously, if not grew up, then spent most of your summers, but you're in the real world now.

— Lose something?
— No, why? Did you take something?
— No.
— What'd you take?
— Nothing.
— What'd you take?

— I know what you're thinking.
— Your butt looks like two Pringles hugging. No, you don't.

It's always easy to treat the nice ones nice, isn't it? But your drug addicts, your child abusers, your garden-variety jerks...

Finally, doctors, if there is a mistake, don't admit it to the patient. Of course, if the patient is deceased, and you're sure, you can feel free to tell him or her anything.

And you, you one-woman freak show, take your blah-blah to the blah-blah-ologist. If you're so stupid as to confront the Chief of Medicine, over some quasi-offensive endearment, then you've got to replace the captain of your brain ship because he's drunk.

— You like strong women, don't you?
— Are you kidding me? They're the only ones I let ruin my life.

Newbie, the only way to judge your growth as a doctor, hell, as a human being, is by making sure you don't repeat the same mistakes over and over.

The tension actually hurts, You have to break it, Say something, Anything! Banana hammock!

Bottom line is couples that are right for each other wade through the same crap as everybody else. But the big difference is, they don't let it take 'em down. One of those two people will fight for that relationship every time, if it's right and they're real lucky.

— You know, I kinda had a date last night.
— Really?
— Yeah. A guy on the bus fell asleep on me and drooled on my shoulder.
— You slut.

Kelso's not just some harmless guy pushing my buttons, Carla. He's a pod person.