Once upon a time: Funny Quotes

— I'm an idiot.
— Finally, something we can agree on.

— Swan. Don't make a man drink alone.
— Not in the mood for a drink or a man.

You want to come in and have coffee with my parents, a newborn, and a human ice maker?

It's a device for... Talking. I press the "Emma" button, and she answers usually.

– I want a baby. Will you help me, Mr. Gold?
– I'm flattered, but I guess I passed.
– That's not what we're talking about!

You should have seen me when Kristoff started dating Anna. It's the only time in my entire life that I've ever made someone sweat.

— Oh. Henry, this is David and Mary Margaret.
— Are you helping my mom with the case? Or are they the ones who jumped bail?
— Oh, no, they are... they're just... old friends.
— Friends? From where?
— Phoenix.
— Here.
— Well, Phoenix... and then... here.
— But I thought you were only in Phoenix for... being in that place.
— Right. We were cell mates.
— Really? What were you in for?
— Banditry. People make mistakes. The important thing is... to find a way to keep moving on.

— Which way?
— Right.
— Is this a locator spell? Shouldn't we be following some, like, floaty object or something?
— Oh, now you're a magic expert. There are many enchantments you have yet to be exposed to.

I've seen enemy battle plans that were easier to decode than this.

— Emma, will you please tell your mother that we're not gonna name your brother "Leopold"?
— Uh, why not? It was my father's name.
— People will make fun of him.
— My father was a king.
— Which is why nobody made fun of him.
— Okay, what about "Eva," after my mother?
— I don't know how well that'll work with a boy.
— It might not be a boy.