Fran Kubelik

— The mirror... It's broken.
— Yes, I know. I like it that way. Makes me look the way I feel.

Something happens to men in elevators. It's the change of altitude. The blood rushes to their head.

— I never said goodbye, Fran.
— For a while there, you try kidding yourself that you're going with an unmarried man. Then one day he keeps looking at his watch... and asks you if any lipstick's showing... then rushes out to catch the 7:14 to White Plains. So you fix yourself a cup of instant coffee and you sit there by yourself and you think and it all begins to look so... ugly.
— How do you think I felt riding home on that 7:14 train?

How long does it take to get someone you're stuck on out of your system? If only they'd invent some kind of pump for that.

Some people take, some people get took. And they know they're gettin' took and there's nothin' they can do about it.

— What do you call it when somebody keeps gettin' smashed up in car accidents?
— Bad insurance risk?
— That's me with men. I was jinxed from the word go. First time I was ever kissed was in a cemetery.