C-3PO

— Let him have it. It's not wise to upset a Wookiee.
— But, sir, nobody worries about upsetting a droid.
— That's 'cause a droid don't pull people's arms out of their sockets when they lose. Wookiees are known to do that.
— I see your point, sir. I suggest a new strategy, R2. Let the Wookiee win.

We seem to be made to suffer. It's our lot in life.

— His High Exaltedness, the great Jabba the Hutt has decreed that you are to be terminated immediately.
— Good. I hate long waits.
— You will therefore be taken to the Dune Sea and cast into the Pit of Carkoon... nesting place of the all-powerful Sarlacc.
— Doesn't sound so bad.
— In his belly, you will find a new definition of pain and suffering, as you are slowly digested over 1,000 years. On second thought, let's pass on that.

Don't be so sure. If I told you half the things I've heard about this Jabba the Hutt... you'd probably short-circuit.

— Sir, it's quite possible this asteroid is not entirely stable.
— Not entirely stable? I'm glad you're here to tell us these things.

I really don't see how that's going to help. Surrender is a perfectly acceptable alternative in extreme circumstances. The Empire may be gracious enough...

— Wipe that nervous expression off your face, Threepio.
— Oh. Well, I will certainly try, General. Nervous?